Tuesday, August 24

Maximillian, 4 days later.

You were in my dream the night before last. I hugged you so much and cried and told you how happy I was that you were back. All you could say was "only until I have to leave again." I love you so much, Max. I've been thinking about our early days when we'd sit on the phone all night and you would get angry at me for crushing on Jesse McCartney. (I just had to google his name, if that let's you know how little of an impact the kid made on me compared to you...) I remember our first kiss. Donovan and Meredith were over and we were playing "Hide & Seek" that kiss was the only moment in my entire life that I truly felt shivers go down my spine. I remember the night at South Park when I got cake on your shirt and you got so angry with me. I remember one night at Cramers, I cried to you because I was so worried about you and the things you were doing. I remember you being the only person to know everything about me. I remember times in Fuquay, times in Oak Hall, times at Josh's. I remember the pain I felt when we couldn't be together and I remember the joy I felt years later when I realized we could in fact be friends. And last but not least, I remember the way I felt when I got the call that you were gone. I'll never forget everything we had as friends, and everything you had as a person, because you had the whole world ahead of you. I always knew we'd be best friends for a lifetime (mostly because I never could escape you, we always found each other). I knew we'd be at each others weddings and I knew I'd one day see a child that you had created. I so looked forward to those days. I miss you dearly and I keep finding myself writing you these extravagant comments, but how else can I talk to you? You're so heavy on my mind and I hope my dream of you last night will be the first of many. Please visit me, I need to feel your heart. I love you, I'm thinking of you and your family, and I will see you soon.


alicia said...

I visit your blog often to pull inspiration from it and just had to leave a comment after reading this post.
Even though I don't know you, I am sorry to hear about your loss. It is so hard losing someone you love & care for. I genuinely wish you the best.


Jags said...

far out. i dont know what to say except what you two had is so special. and its so sweet the scroll of photos you have put up. i dont know but reading this sent shivers up my spine. its beautiful=)

rcates said...

I am sitting at work reading this trying not to choke up in front of everyone.
Thats just some intense emotion I can even begin to say I know what you're going through because I dont.
But I do know that you will get through this somehow.
Stay strong.

rcates said...

Oh and this morning on the way to work I was listening to this song and I thought of you and I know when I'm going through hard times I try to find a good song to listen to. So maybe this will help?

Artist-Four Year Strong
Song Title-One Step at a Time