Tuesday, November 16

feelings; resurfaced

Maximillian,

I remember the first time I saw you. It was the first day of freshman year in Mr. Fish’s class. You walked in the door and I knew right then and there that I wanted you in my life. Soon after that a beautiful friendship became of you and I. We’d tell each other anything and everything, and neither would judge. We tried dating, it never worked, but I know you and I loved each other as much as friends could for the past six years. I have been the luckiest girl to experience all that you and I have had.

I remember sitting on the phone with you all night, and you would get so angry with me for having a huge crush on Jesse McCartney. I remember the shaving crème fight in the Wal-mart parking lot. I remember New Years Eve 2009 and how excited I was to spend it with you. I remember times in Fuquay, times in Oak Hall, times at Cramer’s, times at Levi’s and times at Josh’s. I remember it all Max. I remember the pain I felt when we couldn't be together and I remember the joy I felt years later when I realized we could in fact be great friends. Last but not least, I remember the way I felt when I got the call that you were gone, it was surely the most horrid pain I will ever feel. I will never forget anything we had.

You have been the most wonderful soul to have graced my life. One day, I will meet you again and it will be beautifully anticipated. I have always been afraid of death until now; because now I know I have a magnificent soul and a wondrous face to greet me when my time comes, a face I will have longed for so many years prior. And I know on that day, I will cry heavy tears of joy, the way I am crying heavy tears of pain right now. I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you, and I’ll love you until the end of time. Oh, but you knew that my Casanova.

Some will seek forgiveness, others escape.

Signing out as your name for me, Hiwawy, with love, always.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can feel the raw emotion behind this post, which in turn, brought me to tears.

I frequently view your blog because you provide nostalgic, dreamy photos with a fashion forward edge to them and I just want you to know that viewing them, as well as a deep post like this, is a nice escape from the drudgery of college work, haha.

thank you.

carina said...

I recently stumbled upon your blog and was instantly in love with your beautiful images and fashion inspirations.

That said, I know nothing can ease the pain of what you are going through, but know that there are others out there who are touched not only by your dreamlike photos, but also by your posts like this.

Life is not always easy, it is often messy and very imperfect and painful. You know this as well as I do, and even though we're complete strangers, I feel like I can connect with you on that human level.

Sigh.

Take care.

Wildflower said...

thank you both so much. It's always nice to hear kind words, even from people whom you've never met. I'm glad you enjoy my blog, it's a huge outlet for me and I never expected anyone to follow it so the compliments always take me by surprise.

ya'll take care. xx