Monday, May 23

as the sky darkens

I'm sitting here on my porch where I sit nearly everyday. This is the place where I go to enjoy the weather, the view, to let my animals relax and listen to nature. This is also the place I sat with my best friend, Max Bratton, the last night we really got to spend together. Anyone who has followed my blog for a few months now, knows of Max's death. I sit here, streaming the new Bon Iver record. I'm typing in the dark, searching inspiration through blogs and tumblr. I hear mysterious noises coming from the trees and shrubbery surrounding me. I'm getting mosquito bites, I'm staring at what's left of the sky, now navy, almost black. Just two days ago was the 9 month anniversary of Max's death. Needless to say, the past months without him have been a roller coaster. My life simply isn't the same without him. I wonder what he would be doing today? He'd be at a party, never frowning, remaining the happiest kid in the world. He had so much light to shed on anyone who crossed his path. I still think of him daily and grasp his sweatpants at night with everything I have. I have two tattoos in memory of him and one ring. I have pieces of his car and bricks that went through his window in my room. I have one of his old hats and his wrestling shorts. No matter how much i have, all I could ever ask is to have him back. This will not happen for years and years to come, that I know. But the day is anticipated so heavily in which I can see and touch his face. That day will be the most magical day, the most anticipated. It's the day I can do nothing but wait for.

I love you Max, I miss you with every centimeter of my soul, it's just not the same without you. You made me who I am today. I will never forget you, and I will never let your memory die.
(as if it ever could.)

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